Adfocus – Financial Mail

Training for love

People looking for love in the Czech capital, Prague, need do no more than take the train. The city plans to designate carriages on its underground trains for singles. Prague transport company Ropid wants to set aside carriages on some or all of its trains for singles seeking a soul mate. It’s hoped to launch the service by the end of this year.

Ford “gags” agency

Ford India has apologised for a series of advertisements featuring caricatures of bound and gagged women in the boot of a Figo car driven by former Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi, reports the Agence France Press (AFP) news agency.

Advertisements for the hatchback were created by the Indian unit of global advertising giant JWT and appeared on the website “Ads of the World”. Ford, however, says they were not meant for commercial use.

They appeared online over the weekend, reportedly without Ford’s approval, at a time when India is under fire for its treatment and portrayal of women following a series of sexual assaults. One advert showed three scantily-clad women in the boot of the car with a smiling Berlusconi flashing a peace sign at the wheel, above the tagline: “Leave your worries behind with Figo’s extra-large boot”.

Another featured a Paris Hilton caricature in the driver’s seat with rival US celebrity Kim Kardashian and two other women gagged in the boot.

A third advert shows Michael Schumacher with Formula One rivals Sebastian Vettel, Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso in the back.

Husband fakes robbery to escape wife’s wrath

It’s hard for a lot of guys to admit to their wives that went to a strip club, let alone spending $1,000 on the attractions. Read more »

Anti-fart underwear a hit in Japan

Underpants which are claimed to neutralise the smell of flatulence are proving a hit in Japan, whose hard-working businessmen seem to like the idea of breaking wind without getting rumbled. Read more »

“Ugly” wife gets sued by husband

A Chinese man divorced his wife and then sued her in court – and won – for being ugly. Read more »

Dalai Lama says F*** it, not.

It is a phrase you would not associate with one of the holiest men alive.

Indeed, it must have caused the stenographer a little consternation when the Dalai Lama apparently finished his speech with a very frank ‘f*** it’ to an audience of students at Brown University in Rhode Island.

Still, the stenographer had to transcribe what he heard – or thought he had heard – and flashed the phrase up on the closed caption video screens.

So those relying on the screens for dialogue heard His Holiness finish his message of peace by telling them them they could do the unspeakable.

Embarrassingly, the His Holiness was just being polite, telling the audience that if they did not agree with his views on world peace, they could just … forget.

The Dalai Lama, delivering the memorial lecture at Brown University on Wednesday, called on the audience to create a peaceful society through dialogue.

5,600 people were inside the Rhode Island Convention Centre in Providence, although it is not known how many of them thought they heard what the stenographer heard.

The offending phrase came towards the send of the speech, when the 77-year-old said: ‘If you feel these points are not much relevant – not much interest – then forget.’

But the now presumably-blushing stenographer had to go with his first instinct, and the exact phrase he wrote on the screens in the hall was ‘f— it’.

This is not the first time the Dalai Lama has been heard not swearing.

The NY Daily News recounts the occasion he told a crowd in Charlottesville, Vancouver, how we ’should forget about our religious differences’ – causing similar confusion.

This time, Brown University clarified the situation, telling the Daily News: ‘The Dalai Lama’s last word of the day, verified by his personal translator, was “forget”.

Another clip on YouTube also shows the esteemed holy man telling a crowd: ‘We should forget about our religious differences. And also forget, and forget.’

He then looked up at the laughing audience, and asked them: ‘What did I do?’…

-Daily Mail

Drinking and texting alive and well, survey confirms

A new study has confirmed what we have all suspected for ages: South African consumers turn to their mobile phones when they’re drinking – and three-quarters of them are likely to post photos on social media sites while under the influence. Read more »

Property tycoon places marriage bounty on lesbian daughter

Property magnate Cecil Chao Sze-tsung offered the reward this week after reports that his 33-year-old daughter Gigi Chao, a University of Manchester architecture graduate, had married her long-term female partner in France. Read more »

Nigerian husband raped to death

A wealthy businessman from Nigeria – and husband to six women – died after allegedly being forced into a marathon sex session with his elder five wives after they became jealous when the man had sex with his youngest spouse. Read more »

Butt killer charged

ORLANDO, Florida (Reuters) — A man who injected a woman in the buttocks with unknown substances during an illegal cosmetic surgery was arrested on Thursday and charged with manslaughter in the woman’s death, authorities said. Oneal Ron Morris, 31, of Hollywood, Florida, is known to have injected other women with substances such as bathroom caulk, cement, Super Glue and the tire product Fix-A-Flat, officials with the Broward County Sheriff’s Office said.

Mike Tyson does Broadway

-Foreign Press

After a successful run in Las Vegas, Tyson’s one-man show Mike Tyson: Undisputed Truth will play on Broadway starting July 31. Read more »

Thugs read for freedom

BRASILIA (Reuters) — Brazil will offer inmates in its crowded federal penitentiary system a novel way to shorten their sentences: four days less for every book they read. Read more »

Zim parliament gets the chop

HARARE (Reuters) — Forty-four members of Zimbabwe’s parliament were circumcised on Friday as part of a national HIV/AIDS awareness campaign. In a rare show of political unity, the MPs from President Robert Mugabe’s ZANU-PF party and Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai’s rival MDC camp chatted calmly with reporters as they queued at a clinic set up inside the parliament complex.

Right-wing Greek MP sues his victims

A Greek far-right MP who slapped one left-wing female politician in the face and threw a glass of water at another last week during a live TV debate is taking legal action against his victims.

Ilias Kasidiaris, spokesman for the Golden Dawn party, is currently facing trial a mugging he is suspected to have been involved in.

He claims the two women insulted him when they referred to the court case and is suing them for defamation.

He also filed a complaint against TV station Antenna for wrongful detention.

Network staff locked him in a room while waiting for police to arrive at the studio following his violent meltdown. He proceeded to break down the door and escape.

Following the assault, the ex-army commando went into hiding only to reappear when the warrant for his arrest expired.

Due to this technicality he will remain a free mean until his trial on the charge of causing serious bodily harm which carries a maximum prison sentence of 10 years.
 
 
He blamed the two women for deliberately provoking his outburst and said he was acting in defence when Ms Kanelli threw a newspaper at him.
 
“I never expected that I would be hit in the face on live TV,” he said.

- Foreign Press

China sees red as Ferrari damages ancient wall

AFP – Chinese citizens are up in arms after a Ferrari sports car left tyre tracks atop Nanjing’s ancient city wall, possibly permanently damaging the protected landmark. Read more »

Dutch insect cookbook launched to stir taste for bugs

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) — Need more protein in your diet? Try adding worms to your chocolate muffin recipe mix, or spice up a mushroom risotto with a sprinkling of grasshoppers. “The Insect Cookbook,” which comes out on Tuesday and is written in Dutch, contains these and other unusual recipes and is intended to promote insects as a source of protein.

Sleepy Air Canada pilot thought Venus was a plane

OTTAWA (Reuters)
A sleepy Air Canada pilot first mistook the planet Venus for an aircraft, and then sent his airliner diving toward the Atlantic to prevent an imaginary collision with another plane, an official report said on Monday.

Sixteen passengers and crew were hurt in the January 2011 incident, when the first officer rammed the control stick forward to avoid a US plane he wrongly thought was heading straight toward him.

Cabbage freezes autobahn

FRANKFURT (Reuters)

Piles of sauerkraut tumbled out of a truck on a busy German motorway and quickly froze to the autobahn surface, causing a massive traffic jam near Frankfurt during Tuesday’s morning rush hour, police said.

A truck carrying hundreds of packages of the famous German pickled cabbage delicacy crashed into another vehicle before dawn near the western town of Friedberg near Frankfurt and scattered its contents across the motorway.

Porno politics

NEW DELHI (Reuters)

Three Indian politicians from a morally conservative party, including a women’s affairs minister, resigned on Wednesday after being caught watching pornography on a mobile phone during a session of state parliament.

News channels broadcast footage showing Karnataka state Minister for Cooperation Laxman Savadi sharing a porn clip with his colleague C.C. Patil, the minister for women and child development, while sitting in the state assembly.

US school stamp out cell phones

Singer Nancy Sinatra may have had boots made for walking, but she never attended Pottstown Middle School. Starting Monday the Philadelphia suburban district is banning the wearing of fuzzy open-top boots, including the popular Ugg brand, to middle school classes because students have been stashing cell phones in the loose footwear, according to district director of community relations John Armato.

Big Ben Leaning

Iran cracks down on Barbie

Iran’s morality police are cracking down on the sale of Barbie dolls to protect the public from what they see as pernicious western culture eroding Islamic values, shopkeepers said on Monday.

As the West imposes the toughest ever sanctions on Iran and tensions rise over its nuclear program, inside the country the Barbie ban is part of what the government calls a “soft war” against decadent cultural influences.

-Reuters

N Korea wildlife mourns Kim

The passing of North Korean strongman Kim Jong-il has been marked by plunging temperatures, mourning bears and now, according to North Korean state media, by flocks of magpies. Kim, who died in December aged 69 years after 17 years running the world’s most reclusive state, was reputed to be able to control the weather, as well as to have scored a miraculous 38 under par round of golf. – Reuters (Seoul)

China cuts prime time

China’s satellite broadcasters have cut the number of prime time entertainment shows they air by more than two-thirds, the state Xinhua news agency said, as Beijing seeks to stem Western influences.

Read more »

China bans ads

In a dose of reality television, Beijing-style, China has ordered a ban on advertisements during broadcasts of TV dramas in a bid “to unify thinking,” the country’s top broadcasting regulator said on Monday. The government’s latest move to clean up China’s airwaves was announced by the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television (SARFT) and will come into effect from January. – Reuters (Beijing)

Toilet bike goes green

Japanese toilet maker Toto has finaly solve the problem of being pressed for the toilet while stuck in traffic as well as protecting the environment.

Tot’s recently launched motorcycle the Neo is part motorcycle-part toilet and runs on eco-friendly biogas produced from sewage.

The poop powered three-wheeled motorcyle recently completed a journey of more than 1000 km across Japan. It features a toilet for a seat and has a giant roll of toilet paper mounted on the back.

Executioners Speak

The rare glimpse into the ranks of China’s executioners appeared in the minds China’s executioners.

In one of the first installments of the series Hu Xiao explains that his job as an executioner is usually not very complicated, except for the time when a prisoner he was about to kill stood up and ran toward his loaded rifle.

(H)appy and healthy

Want to reduce stress and improve mental focus? Reuters reports from Japan that a new app that promotes slow breathing may help. Called MyCalmBeat, the app uses a heartrate monitor that attaches to the ear to detect a person’s optimal breathing rate, or resonant frequency, which is unique to each person.

But it is real!

One in five British women believe that the debilitating “man-flu” disease which temporarily leaves sufferers prostrate on the sofa watching televised sports, is real, according to a new study. Reuters reports that the survey, which questioned 2000 British adults about health and wellbeing, showed that misconceptions and old wives’ tales, including the myth that eating carrots improves night vision, prevail among the population.

Clean that phone

Delete those incriminating images from your phone before they come back to haunt you. Reuters reports that a Swiss motorist used his mobile phone to record himself driving near Geneva at 320km/h, nearly three times the speed limit. Police discovered the offence six months later when they questioned the man about another case and found the images still on the phone.

Thumbs down for Jesus ad

Britain’s Advertising Standards Authority has banned a cellphone company’s cartoon commercial which featured Jesus winking and giving a thumbs-up gesture, reports Reuters. The ASA ruled that the Phones 4 U campaign, which carried the slogan, “Miraculous deals on Samsung Galaxy Android phones”, appeared to mock the Christian faith.
Phones 4 U said it “understood and regretted” that offence had been caused, adding that it was trying to show “a light-hearted, positive and contemporary image” of Christianity.

Belt up, says senator

A Florida, US, lawmaker is welcoming students back to school by handing out 200 leather belts to help them comply with a new state law that bans saggy pants on campuses, reports Reuters. Senator Gary Siplin campaigned for six years for the so-called Pull Your Pants Up law, and finally got his wish this year.

Bras bid bust

A British attempt to set a new world record for the longest chain of brassieres was called off after volunteers got the lingerie in a twist, repots Reuters. Campaigners at “Bra Chain” hoped to hook together over 160km of bras in Worcester, to raise money for women’s charities and beat the current world record of 166000 linked brassieres. But they were forced to give up before they reached 100 000 when the garments became tangled in their boxes.

Shocking shopping

Shoppers in a busy shopping mall in Dresden Germany saw more than they bargained for when hackers broke into the centre’s big-screen TV system and replaced ads with porn movies.

“Toilet” hat gets offers

The much-mocked hat worn by Princess Beatrice to Britain’s royal wedding last month — widely described as looking like a “toilet seat” — is up for sale on eBay where bids have reached nearly R200 000, reports Reuters. The hat was “the most talked about hat of the whole occasion” says Harold Tilman, chairman of the British Fashion Council.

Student sex OK

One in three university students in Berlin would consider sex work to finance their education, a study from the Berlin Studies Centre says, reports Reuters. The figure in Berlin, where prostitution is legal, was higher than students surveyed in Paris (29,2%) and Kiev (18,5%).

Getting Low for the High Life

Chinese oil refining giant Sinopec has demoted a top executive who bought 1,6 million yuan ($245 900) of wine and spirits after details of the purchase leaked onto the Internet and sparked an uproar over extravagance at the state-owned firm.

Read more »

When cheating’s ok

Half of men would forgive their female partner’s infidelity, as long as it was with another woman, according to a new study on cheating. Women, however, were less likely to forgive and forget if their boyfriend had been with another man, the University of Texas at Austin study showed, Reuters reports.

Unholy Error

Two British pensioners landed in hospital in southern Germany after their car’s global positioning system directed them to drive into a church. While driving their Renault in the evening on a back road near the Austrian border, the navigation system instructed the couple to turn right where there was no road.

Lucky Feet

A resourceful baby penguin took advantage of Germany’s wintry weather to give her minders the slip and embark on a tour of the zoo before waddling into the lions’ den.

Read more »

Belated conscience

An anonymous thief sent an envelope of cash to a store in western Pennsylvania to pay for a hammer stolen decades ago, reports Reuters. The cash arrived at Central Contractors Supply. in the town of Johnstown, with a handwritten note saying the hammer was stolen 25 to 30 years ago.

Women get lippy

A UK survey of online flirting by dating website Badoo.com has found that women’s favoured Internet chat-up line by men is: “You have beautiful lips,” reports Reuters.

Nun of that, please!

A Catholic nun has been accused of embezzling more than US$850 000 from a New York State college, reports Reuters. Sister Marie Thornton, former head of finance at Iona College in New Rochelle, is charged with sending fake invoices to the school to pay off personal credit-card bills and expenses, the US Attorney’s office said.

Bricked in

A German pensioner who wanted to seal off the entrance to his cellar realised too late he was working from the wrong side, and bricked himself in, reports Reuters. Police say the man, from the city of Jena, became aware of the mistake once his handiwork was complete and he was trapped.

Boobed again!

A 20-year-old German woman who splashed out on breast implants with a loan from her former boyfriend fears her assets could be repossessed after she failed to fully repay him, reports Reuters. The ex-boyfriend is demanding that she return the 4379 euros he gave her to pay for her breast enlargement surgery in 2009 or he’ll call the police and get the repossessors involved.

Look dead ahead

Motorists on a remote Arizona desert highway were tempted to turn back at the weekend after a prankster reprogrammed a digital road-sign to read “Caution! Zombies ahead!”, reports Reuters.

Face your thirst

A new Japanese canned-drink vending machine uses facial recognition technology to recommend drinks based on customers’ age and gender, reports Reuters. Manufacturers of the machine say sales have tripled compared to regular vending machines.

The machine uses sensors to determine the characteristics of an approaching customer. ”Recommended” labels then appear on specific products. This may change depending on the temperature and time of day.

According to a spokesman: “If the customer is a man, the machine is likely to recommend a canned coffee drink, since men tend to prefer these. A woman in her 20s will be recommended a tea drink or slightly sweeter product. We thought it would make it a lot more fun for the customers to have this kind of interaction with our machines, that it would improve the whole buying experience.”

Cloy of sex

Thousands of flushed condoms are threatening to clog the Commonwealth Games village’s drainage system, according to India media reports.

Dozy theatre

Anyone nodding off during a play planned for next year in London need not be embarrassed. “Lullaby” is designed to send audiences to sleep. Theatre company Duckie will charge 42 pounds per person for a bed, a soothing performance, a wake-up call, shower and breakfast the following morning.

Audience members will be asked to arrive at the Barbican Pit theatre in central London at 10 pm, get into their pyjamas and brush their teeth in time for the performance at 10.30pm. “Lullaby” will run from June 24 to July 24.

Mini-pig ads banned

A UK advertisement for micro-pigs, the latest celebrity pet craze, has been banned after experts queried a claim that the animals would not grow taller than 16in, reports the London Daily Telegraph.

The newspaper says members of the British Kune Kune Pig Society complained to the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) that no pig breed was that small. The ASA said the Little Pig Farm, in Cambridgeshire, could not substantiate the size claim. The Telegraph says micro-pigs, which cost about £700 each, have been snapped up by celebrities, including Victoria Beckham. The farm says potential customers are calling from all over the world, including the US, Russia, Spain and Australia.

Too hot to handle

A Russian man died in the finals of the world sauna championships in Finland on Sunday after spending six minutes in temperatures of 110 degrees Celsius, reports Reuters. Organisers said: “After this incident we decided that this game is over and done.”

Buttered bear

A black bear attracted by the smell of a peanut butter sandwich opened the door of a car, climbed in and got stuck, knocking the gearstick into neutral and sending the car rolling down a slope into trees, reports Reuters. The incident happened in Larksspur near Denver, in the US state of Colorado.

Bloody terrifying

An advert for the London Dungeon museum has been banned after terrifying children by showing Queen Mary I of England turning into a flesh-eating zombie, reports the London Daily Telegraph. The digital poster, on escalators on the London Underground, showed the queen sitting passively on a chair before suddenly turning into a member of the undead and turning towards tube passengers. The Telegraph reports that four people complained that the zombie had terrified their children.

The London Dungeon was promoting a new show called ‘Bloody Mary’, about the daughter of Henry VIII who reigned from 1553 to 1558. During that time she had 300 religious dissenters burned at the stake. The Advertising Standards Authority ruled that the poster ad should not be used again as it had breached fear-and-distress guidelines. “We concluded that the ad was inappropriate for display in an untargeted medium.”

Poo power for army

Biofuel pellets made from horse manure will help power the new barracks of the Royal Horse Artillery, the UK’s Ministry of Defence has announced, reports Reuters. Recycled waste and bedding from the regiment’s 111 horses will provide enough low-carbon energy to cover the heating and lighting requirements of the ceremonial unit’s new base in Woolwich, south-east London.

Fatso 1, Aussie 0

A drunk Australian tourist has been hospitalised after he broke into a reptile park and climbed on the back of a 5m crocodile called Fatso, reports the London Daily Telegraph. The crocodile bit the man on the leg but then let him go. The incident happened at Broome crocodile park in Western Australia. Police say the 36-year-old man suffered “very nasty lacerations” to his right leg but was able to climb out of the enclosure and seek medical help.

Dressing-down for SA men

Bad news for men in the SA business world: your female colleagues don’t think you’re worth getting dressed up for. Women here spend a third as long getting ready for wotk as their counterparts in the UK.
A recent UK survey found that women there spend 76 minutes getting ready for work on a Monday morning. About 25 minutes is spent on hair, 18 on make-up, 16 trying on different combinations of clothes, and the rest on showering and washing. Preparation time gets shorter as the week progresses: to 40 minutes on Tuesdays and 19 minutes on Fridays.
Reasons given for the long Monday preparation include delaying the start of the working week after a relaxing weekend. According to Robyn Farrell, MD of 1st for Women Insurance Brokers in SA, it may also be because “women are possibly more likely to have done laundry over the weekend and therefore have more clean outfits available on Monday to choose from”.
A similar survey in SA has found that women here admit to spending no more than 25 minutes getting ready on Mondays. That’s even less time than UK men, whose 28-minute Monday average shrinks to 11 minutes by Friday.

Italians c(r)ash in

Italian authorities are counting the cost of an accident in the south of the country after a truck carrying 2,5m Euros in cash overturned and spilled its load on the road. Dozens of passing motorists grabbed the opportunity to snatch armfuls of coins then drive away. A spectator described the event as “like a massive slot-machine win”.

Flaming expensive

Sweden’s Feminist Party burned banknotes worth 100000 Swedish crowns ($13010) on Tuesday to highlight wage disparities between men and women, reports Reuters. Party leader Gudrun Schyman took about 25 minutes to burn the notes on a barbecue.

Sweden holds a general election on September 19 and the Feminist Party hopes to win its first seat in parliament since it was founded in 2005. In Sweden’s last national election in 2006, the Feminist Party won less than 1% of the vote. Parties need at least 4% to earn a seat in the national assembly.

The money-burning, using cash donated by an advertising agency, was intended to illustrate how women in Sweden “lose” 100000 crowns every minute because their wages are lower than men’s.

Dogged champion

A former hot-dog eating champion was arrested after storming the stage during the annual Fourth of July hotdog-eating contest at New York’s Coney Island, reports the London Daily Telegraph. After Joey “Jaws” Chestnut ate his way to a fourth consecutive championship, former champion Takeru Kobayashi ran on to the stage before being handcuffed by police.

 Kobayashi, known as The Tsunami, did not take part because he refused to sign a contract with Major League Eating, the professional fast-food competition body, reports The Telegraph. On his he said he wanted to be free to compete in contests sanctioned by other groups. He was charged by police with resisting arrest and trespass  Chestnut swallowed 54 hotdogs in 10 minutes. Second was Tim Janus with 45 and third Patrick Bertoletti with 37. Chestnut holds the record of 68, set last year.

Well, burger me!

An Australian cafe is claiming a world record after cooking a giant hamburger with an 81kg patty that took 12 hours to cook and four men to flip, reports Reuters. The monster burger cooked up by Sydney cafe owners Joe and Iman El-Ajouz weighed in at 90kg in total, eclipsing the previous record of 84kg, set in the US.

Earthbound bird

An Australian kookaburra bird is undergoing personal training after growing too fat to fly because she ate too many sausages, reports Reuters. The kookaburra got into trouble with her weight when residents at a Sydney park began feeding her sausages at braais.

Dead greedy

A New Zealand funeral home has barred a fake mourner who was attending up to four funerals a week to stock up on food, even filling up tupperware containers to take home, reports Reuters. Staff say a man dubbed the “Grim Eater” appeared at up to four funerals a week in March and April to enjoy the food but clearly did not know the deceased.

A fat lot of good

A milkshake containing 2 010 calories — equivalent to eating 68 strips of bacon or 30 chocolate chip cookies — has topped a list of the 20 worst drinks in America compiled by Men’s Health magazine, reports Reuters. The Cold Stone PB&C milkshake, made with peanut butter, chocolate ice cream and milk, contains 68 grams of saturated fat and 153 grams of sugar, according to nutritional details on the company’s website.
The second worst drink was listed as the Peanut Power Plus Grape from Smoothie King with a large cup packing 1 498 calories and the same amount of sugar as chocolate and peanut butter snacks.
McDonald’s large Triple Thick Chocolate Shake came in third with 1 160 calories or the equivalent of 13 of the fast food chain’s hot apple pies.

Salesmen catch cold

The prospect of making “cold” calls for a week as a salesperson is more unappealing than giving up sex for a month, a US survey shows, reports Reuters. Only getting root canal dental treatment was deemed worse than making sales calls to businesses people don’t know, said the survey of 1226 respondents about public attitudes towards salespeople.

Caffeine baby blues

Pregnant women who drink six cups of coffee a day may have smaller babies than women who consume less caffeine, according to a Dutch study, reports Reuters. Researchers from the Erasmus Medical Centre in Rotterdam followed more than 7300 Dutch women from early pregnancy onward, of whom 2%-3% said they consumed the caffeine equivalent of six cups of coffee a day.

Not-so-hard rocker

Tom Kaulitz, guitarist for rock band Tokio Hotel, told a German newspaper he couldn’t see straight for days after overdosing on Viagra tablets handed to him by a stranger during a concert tour of Asia. Perhaps he needs more … to take a long, hard look at himself.

Bearing all on holiday

Is your favorite teddy bear or stuffed animal worn down by the daily grind and n need of a vacation, asks Reuters? Finnish firm Teddy Tours Lapland Oy (http://www.teddytourslapland.com) has come up with a solution: holidays for stuffed friends in northern Finland costing from R1100-R1700.

Gandalf the “tramp”

Film and stage star Sir Ian McKellen has been mistaken for a tramp while sitting outside a theatre in costume, reports the London Daily Telegraph. McKellen, whose film roles include Gandalf in the Lord Of The Rings trilogy, is in Melbourne playing the Samuel Beckett play, Waiting for Godot. He was sitting outside the theatre in his tramp custume, having a break, when a passer-by mistook him for the real thing and dropped a dollar in his hat.

Toxic sofas

A British court says hundreds of people who received chemical burns from leather sofas will share 20 million pounds sterling in compensation, reports Reuters. The customers took legal action after complaining of skin and eye complaints or breathing difficulties from the Chinese-made furniture, dubbed “toxic sofas.”  The problems were blamed on dimethyl fumarate, a fungicide designed to stop the furniture from becoming mouldy. The European Union banned the chemical last year.
Lawyers say agreement had been reached between the plaintiffs and a company that owns several furniture retailers. It will see 1 650 victims receive up to 9 000 pounds each. Legal action continues in 3 000 other cases.

Labour ranter dropped

Britain’s ruling Labour party has suspended a May 6 general election candidate after he boasted about his sex life online, reports Reuters. John Cowan, 35, was also accused of saying he “would not be happy” if his children dated a Muslim. Describing his sex life, Cowan reportedly wrote: “Why limit it to just one woman? I would prefer one for each day of the week!”
He was dropped two weeks after Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s Labour banned another candidate, Stuart MacLennan, from standing in a Scottish seat following rants on Twitter.  MacLennan called Conservative leader David Cameron a “twat”, and Liberal Democrats leader Nick Clegg a “bastard”.

Mobile madness

One-third of US teenagers with cellphones send more than 100 texts a day, reports Reuters. A study by the Pew Internet and American Life Project, which offers a glimpse into teen culture and communication, found that texting has risen dramatically since 2008, eclipsing cellphone calls, instant messaging, social networks — and talking face-to-face.

Prison break-ins

Thieves have broken into a Dutch prison to steal inmates’ televisions, reports Reuters. Twice in the last six weeks, burglars broke into a minimum-security prison and stole TVs from cells while prisoners were on weekend passes.

Such Tweet Sorrow

One of Shakespeare’s most famous plays gets a 21st century makeover in a new version of “Romeo and Juliet” which will unfold through Twitter messages and on the YouTube video website, reports Reuters. Entitled “Such Tweet Sorrow,” the experiment is a collaboration between the Royal Shakespeare Company and Mudlark, which produces entertainment on mobile telephones.

Porn for the blind

A pornographic magazine for the blind has been launched, complete with explicit text and raised pictures of naked men and women, reports the London Daily Telegraph. The UK book, called Tactile Minds and containing 17 raised pictures, sells for £150. The Telegraph reports that Playboy printed braille copies of its men’s magazine from 1970 to 1985, but without raised pictures.

Orrible Inglish

UK police chiefs have been ridiculed for writing a 102-word sentence which “defies understanding”, reports the London Daily Telegraph. The newspaper says the sentence, from the Association of Chief Police Officers, has been put forward for the Golden Bull awards run by the Plain English Campaign.
The sentence, part of an official response to a government policy document on policing, read: “The promise of reform which the Green Paper heralds holds much for the public and Service alike; local policing, customized to local need with authentic answerability, strengthened accountabilities at force level through reforms to police authorities and HMIC, performance management at the service of localities with targets and plans tailored to local needs, the end of centrally engineered one size fits all initiatives, an intelligent approach to cutting red tape through redesign of processes and cultures, a renewed emphasis on strategic development so as to better equip our service to meet the amorphous challenges of managing cross force harms, risks and opportunities.”

The bad Samaritan

A Swedish priest manning a Samaritans-style suicide hotline fell asleep and snored down the line while listening to a distraught man, reports the London Daily Telegraph.  About five minutes into the call, the troubled 44-year-old man had the feeling he was talking to himself and asked the pastor if he was taking notes. That’s when he heard snoring. Fortunately, the priest’s behaviour made the man angry rather than depressed, and he abandoned thoughts of suicide.

Unsporting parents

More than 35% of adults worldwide have witnessed a parent become physically or verbally abusive toward a coach or official at a children’s sporting event, according to a joint Reuters/Ipsos poll.

Alien believers

A poll of 23000 adults in 22 countries has shown 20% believe aliens exist and live in our midst disguised as humans, reports Reuters. The Reuters Ipsos poll shows that more than 40% of people from India and China believe aliens walk among us, while those least likely to believe are from Belgium, Sweden and the Netherlands (8% each).

Brewsed egos

Several hundred warehouse workers and drivers at Danish brewer Carlsberg are striking to protest a company decision to limit beer drinking at work to lunch breaks, reports Reuters. The strike followed the company’s April 1 decision to introduce new rules for employees on beer drinking at work.

“Creepy” Tiger ad

Sports goods producer Nike has aired has aired a “creepy” TV commercial featuring golfer Tiger Woods and the voice of his late father, newspapers report. The ad coincides with his return to golf after a long lay-off following revelations of sexual indiscretions. Filmed in black-and-white, it shows Woods looking silently into the camera while the voice of his father Earl, who died four years ago, says: “I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are. Did you learn anything?” Critics say the ad, which has been shown on ESPN and the Golf Channel, is “creepy”.

Meat-ing market demand

What’s the value of a glass of beer? Or a steak? Let the market decide, says a new American restaurant in Manhattan where prices for food and beverages will fluctuate like stock prices according to demand. Reuters reports that the Exchange Bar & Grill is replete with a ticker tape flashing menu prices in red lettering as demand forces them to fluctuate.

Political prayers

The Church of England has published prayers to help confused and cynical voters ahead of Britain’s upcoming general election, reports Reuters. Britons are due to go to the polls in the next few weeks.

Happy to be back

A Florida, US, man has been sentenced to 15 years jail for trying to break back into the prison where he had been held following his conviction in a manslaughter case, reports Reuters. A judge sentenced Sylvester Jiles, 25, to the maximum 15-year penalty this week after his conviction earlier this year for the attempted break-in at the Brevard County Detention Center.

Heathrow scan-dal

A security worker at London’s Heathrow Airport has received a police warning and faces disciplinary action over claims he ogled a female colleague using a full-body scanner, officials said on Wednesday. The 25-year-old worker made lewd comments after his colleague mistakenly strayed into the scanner, which can see through clothes to produce an image of the body, reports Reuters.

Bound to succeed

French thrill-seekers tired of the usual array of white-knuckle sports are turning to a bizarre new service to get their adrenaline rush — designer abduction, reports Reuters. For 990 euros, clients of Ultime Realite can buy a basic kidnap package where they’re bundled away, bound and gagged, and kept incarcerated for four hours.

Miserable Cleveland

Cleveland has won the dubious distinction of being the most miserable city in the United States, according to a new poll, reports Reuters. The Ohio city has high unemployment, dismal weather, hefty taxes, corruption and mediocre sports teams.

Very ouch

Czech medical staff are being disciplined after a foot-long surgical instrument was found in the abdomen of a woman who was operated on five months ago, reports Reuters. The patient complained of severe abdominal pain following a gynaecological operation at a hospital in the southeastern town of Ivancice.

Don’t cross me, says groom

An Arab ambassador has cancelled his wedding after discovering his wife-to-be is bearded and cross-eyed, reports the London Daily Telegraph. He had met the woman only a few times, when her face was covered by an all-encompassing veil. It was only after the marriage contract was signed and he tried to kiss her, that he saw her for the first time.

The Telegraph, quoting the Gulf News, reports that the ambassador, who was not named, told an Islamic Sharia court that in the United Arab Emirates he was tricked into the marriage as the woman’s mother had shown his own mother pictures of her sister instead of his bride-to-be. The court annulled the contract.

Less fags, please

The UK government has announced plans to halve the number of British smokers by the end of the decade and says it will consider removing branding from cigarette packets and banning cigarette vending machines, reports Reuters. At the moment, 21% of the population smoke and ministers want to reduce that figure to 10% by 2020, with a particular focus on young people.

Fat fliers beware

Over three-quarters of European air travellers believe overweight passengers should pay a “fat tax” if they want to fly, according to a poll. Suggestions include forcing passengers unable to fit into a standard seat, to pay for a second one (some airlines are already planning to implement such a plan, with the promise of a refund if the flight is not fully booked), or being charged according to the combined weight of passenger and luggage.

Trans-gender jail

Italy is preparing to open its first prison catering exclusively for trans-gender criminals, reports the London Daily Telegraph. Guards will undertake special training in how to treat trans-gender prisoners when the prison block opens near Empoli, in Tuscany, in March. Supporters of the plan say trans-sexual prisoners face discrimination in Italy’s mainstream prisons and are rejected by both male and female inmates. They often have to be segregated for their own safety. About 30 trans-gender detainees will be moved to the facility from a prison outside Florence, where they are currently serving sentences. Most were convicted for prostitution or drug-related offences.

German’s a thaw loser

A 76-year-old German man trying to thaw out his car incinerated it instead when he decided to speed things up by putting a blow heater under the hood, reports Reuters. “He burned the vehicle out completely,” said a spokesman for police in the western city of Hildesheim. Police said the man left the heater on next to the frozen windshield washer tank and returned indoors. Shortly afterwards he heard two explosions and returned to find the car ablaze.

Cold comfort for dog

A dog had a lucky escape when a Polish boat rescued him from an ice floe that had carried him more than 160km up a river and out onto the icy waters of the Baltic Sea, reports Reuters.

A man’s goatta do …

Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari has a black goat slaughtered at his house almost every day to ward off “evil eyes” and protect him from “black magic,” according to the Dawn newspaper. Reuters says a spokesman for the president said the goats were slaughtered as an act of Sadaqah — meaning “voluntary charity” in Islam whereby one gives out money or the meat of a slaughtered animal to the poor to win Allah’s blessing and stave off misfortune.

Wok on the wild side

A proposal to jail people who eat dog meat for up 15 days has caused controversy in China, where dog hotpot is popular meal reports Reuters. The first draft of a law against animal abuse, aiming to protect animals from being hurt or killed cruelly, has been completed by a group of experts and will be raised for legislation this April, local media reported.

Crime still pays

Italy’s mafia crime syndicates bucked the recession in 2009 to raise “profits” by almost 8% with the financial crisis making companies and even the stock market even more vulnerable to cash-flush mobsters, reports Reuters. “Mafia Inc is reinforcing its position as the number one Italian company,” said a report published by a body whose members bear the brunt of mafia extortion and crimes – the small business and shopkeepers’ association Confesercenti.

German “tyrant”ad banned

Britain’s Advertising Standards Authority has banned a radio ad for a recruitment company, saying it implies Germans are tyrants. The ad, for a recruitment website, featured a man speaking to his boss, who replies angrily in German. A voice-over says: ”Boss a bit of a tyrant? Find your perfect boss on the UK’s biggest job site.” After receiving 13 complaints, the ASA said the ad used a negative stereotype. “The ad used a German speaker, rather than someone speaking English, to portray the boss as ‘a bit of a tyrant’ and the humour derived from a stereotype at the expense of German people. We considered that the portrayal suggested that German people were more likely to be unreasonable or aggressive to others. ‘We concluded that, given the extreme reaction and aggressive tone of the German-speaking boss, the ad reinforced a negative and outdated cultural stereotype of German people as overpowering and tyrannical and therefore the ad had the potential to cause serious offence to some listeners.”

No more booze games

Tough new rules for pubs and clubs — including a ban on drinking games — will be introduced in Britain this year in a bid to curb a heavy drinking culture that costs the country billions of pounds annually, reports Reuters. Other promotions like “all you can drink for 10 pounds,” speed drinking competitions and “women drink free” nights will also be prohibited.

Divorce is a gift

A British department store chain has created a gift list for those wishing to help friends get over their divorce, reports Reuters. Debenhams says it launched the gift service to reflect the increasing popularity of greeting cards, parties and cakes celebrating divorces as well as provide assistance to someone who has had to divide the assets.

Driver’s crying shame

A young woman in Germany who burst into tears when police fined her for speeding received an early Christmas present when another woman caught for the same offence paid the fine, reports Reuters. Authorities in Aachen said the older driver was so moved by the woman’s crying at the police station that she pulled out her purse and handed over the money.

Death no deterrent

Cigarette pack warnings that remind smokers of the fatal consequences of their habit may actually make them smoke more as a way to cope with the inevitability of death, reports Reuters. A small study by psychologists from the US, Switzerland and Germany showed that warnings unrelated to death, such as “smoking makes you unattractive” or “smoking brings you and the people around you severe damage,” were more effective in changing smokers’ attitudes toward their habit.

Judge orders cover-up

A neo-Nazi gang member has gone on trial in the US state of Florida with his swastika and other tattoos covered by make-up on the order of the judge, who thought they could prejudice jurors, reports Reuters. The judge ordered the state to pay for a cosmetologist to apply make-up before trial each day to cover up the tattoos on John Ditullio’s face and neck, which include a swastika, barbed wire and obscene word.

Happy Oz Christmas

Many Australians will really have a merry Christmas as more companies forget the financial crisis this holiday season and splash out on year-end parties, according to a business forecast. Reuters reports that, after falling sharply in 2008, corporate spending is expected to rise this Christmas, with business information analysts IBISWorld forecasting companies will spend over A$560m on events — an increase of 76%

German bean counters err

Germany spent more than 30 times as much collecting taxes on coffee beans ordered online from abroad than it received in the tax revenues, the accounting office said on Tuesday, reports Reuters. Some 4 000 Germans who bought coffee over the Internet from other EU countries but failed to pay the tax, have been charged between a few cents to 10 euros in taxes and fees, said Dieter Engels, head of Germany’s federal accounting office.

Tom Cruise turns sour

A London-based translation firm is offering parents-to-be the chance to check the meaning of prospective baby names in other languages to avoid inadvertently causing their offspring future embarrassment, reports Reuters. Actors Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes might have thought twice about naming their daughter Suri if they’d known that it means “pickpocket” in Japanese, “turned sour” in French, and “horse mackerels” in Italian, suggests Today Translations.

Squeaky clean hotel

A French hotel in the town of Nantes is offering guests the chance to become a hamster, say news reports. For the equivalent of nearly R1000 a night, guests can eat hamster grain, run in a giant wheel and sleep in haystacks in what is called the “Hamster Villa”. The owners, Frederic Tabary and Yann Falquerho, run a company which rents out unusual and bizarre places. “The hamster in the world of children is that little cuddly animal. Often, the adults who come here have wanted or did have hamsters when they were small,” said Falquerho, dressed as a hamster.

Wet windfall

A luxury Malaysian beach resort is offering guests a free night if rainfall exceeds 3cm during their stay, reports Reuters. The Tanjong Jara resort is on Malaysia’s east coast and its “Everybody Loves Rain” promotion comes during the area’s main rainy season from November to February. Monthly rainfall last December was over 8cm. Marketing head Sarah Cairns says: “The chances of rain are very high this time of year, so are your chances of a free night.”

Rich pickings

Millionaires down on their luck now have a place to sell their mega-yachts, super-cars and family jewels without having to resort to the pawn shop. Reuters reports that an Internet auction site devoted to millionaires launches on November 16 and is likely to profit from the worst recession in decades.

Picture-perfect thief

A British man on the run from police sent a picture of himself to his local paper because he disliked the mugshot they had printed of him as part of a public appeal to track him down, reports Reuters. South Wales Police had issued media with the photo of Matthew Maynard, wanted by officers investigating a house burglary.

Hairy handwriting

A German luxury goods company is offering a limited edition fountain pen, adorned with pleated horsehair and starting at US $3500, reports Reuters. Faber-Castell, in business since 1761, started its “Pen of the Year” in 2002 and each year has used a different type of rare material, including mammoth ivory, 200-year-old olive tree wood, and Indian satin wood. The horsehair pen is plated in platinum and has an 18-carat gold nib. The standard version costs $3500 but if a client wants a pen made with the tail hair of his own horse, a bespoke order can be carried out for around $8000.

Tuneless showers

Venezualan president Hugo Chavez has urged his countrymen to stop singing in the shower and to wash in three minutes because the nation is having problems supplying water and electricity, reports Reuters. Venezuela has suffered several serious blackouts in the past year because of rapidly growing demand and under-investment.

Marital fear

A Sicilian builder being transferred from prison to house arrest tried to get himself locked up again to escape arguments with his wife at home, Italian media report. Santo Gambino, 30, did time for dumping hazardous waste before being moved to house arrest in Villabate, outside the Sicilian capital, Palermo.

Bum-uppance for mooner

A German man baring his bottom at railway staff on a departing train got his trousers caught in a carriage door and ended up being dragged half naked along the platform, out of the station and on to the tracks, reports Reuters. The 22-year-old journalism student dropped his pants after staff forced him off for travelling without a ticket.

The honey (moon) trap

Malaysia’s eastern state of Terengganu is offering free honeymoons worth up to US$440 each to rekindle the romance between married couples on the brink of divorce. The honeymoon package comes with counseling and is an attempt to slow soaring divorce rates in the state, reports Reuters.

What does Homer think?

Marge Simpson, the blue beehived mother of America’s dysfunctional cartoon family, is Playboy magazine’s November cover, reports Reuters. Simpson, concealing her assets behind a signature Playboy Bunny chair, is the first cartoon character ever to front the glossy adult magazine.

Titanic voyage to be recreated

Health food for Simpsons fans

Forget all the pizza and doughnuts — the British government wants fans of “The Simpsons” to ditch junk food and eat more healthily.
The Department of Health is spending 640 000 pounds to sponsor episodes of the long-running US cartoon series broadcast on Channel 4, as part of its Change4Life campaign.
Before the start of the sponsored shows, cartoon characters pretending to be the members of the dysfunctional animated family are shown sitting on a sofa tucking into ice cream and chips which then morph into more healthy alternatives.
The government hopes that viewers will realise they should follow that behaviour, and not the beer-swilling, doughnut-guzzling diet of Homer Simpson and his family.
Public Health minister Gillian Merron said the aim was to produce new and innovative ways to reach the target audience.

Snails head for France

On a quiet patch of land apparently devoid of inhabitants, Krasimir Kostov’s farm is silently booming as more than one million snails, hiding from the sun under planks of wood, munch their way to market.

Snails — a delicacy particularly popular in France and Italy — have become a dynamic niche for the European Union’s poorest country.

September is harvest season and demand is outstripping supply for «escargots». The country has seized the chance to reinforce a position exporting luxury foods that are rarely consumed at home.

About 800-900 tonnes of snails and snail products will be exported from Bulgaria this year mostly to France.

This year Bulgaria, which transports most of its snails to plants in Greece for processing, is also starting to export a new variety of snails whose diet includes carrots as well as the traditional white clover and specialised fodder.

«They look … ridiculous, because they are orange,» Mollova said. But they fetch 80 euros per kilo.

Champagne bubbles pop with flavour

The luxurious bubbles that pop up and tickle the nose of a champagne drinker release explosions of flavor and not just fizz, scientists said on Monday.

French and German researchers analyzed the bubbles in a glass of champagne and discovered that chemical eruptions in them release flavor from tiny aerosols packed with aromatic molecules that hover above the liquid and then pop.

“Champagne bubbles do more than tickle your nose — they continually lift aromas to the surface of every glass,” said Gerard Liger-Belair, a physicist from Reims University in France.

The scientists said their study, published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, showed parallels between the fizz of sparkling wines and the foam of the ocean and showed that bursting bubbles help release flavors and aromas.

Liger-Belair and his colleague Philippe Schmitt-Kopplin, an analytical chemist from Munich University, found that the aerosols in champagne contained an over-concentration of aromatic compounds. The compounds clump onto champagne bubbles with one end inside the bubble and the other in the liquid, and the bubbles drag them along as they rise to the surface of the glass. When the bubbles pop, they release the aromatic compounds.

“Actually, bubbles bursting at the champagne surface radiate hundreds of tiny liquid jets every second, which quickly break up into a multitude of tiny droplets,” the researchers wrote. Among the chemicals they identified, were one which is known to contribute to the bitter taste of saffron and others linked to the fruity aroma of several grape varieties and related wines such as Syrah, Chardonnay and Melon. Reuters

Cabbie marries tourist

A 26-year-old American tourist travelling in India hitched a ride in a rickshaw last week and married the driver a few days later.
Whitney from Chicago met her prince charming in Jaipur in Rajasthan, a state west of the capital famous for its stately palaces, after hailing a motorised rickshaw and hiring the driver for her stay in the city.
On the third day, he surprised her by popping the question. After meeting last Saturday they were married on Wednesday in a simple ceremony. The cabbie is fluent in English and owns three autorickshaws. Whitney is to fly back to the US end-September to face her parents.

Do you tell?

New York — Workers are most likely to inform peers of uncomfortable situations such as undone zippers or bad breath and least likely to tip off their superiors, according to research.

Tasteful change

A Moscow restaurant called “Anti-Soviet” has changed its name under pressure from local authorities who said it offended Russia’s older generation. “Anti-Sovetskaya”, which opened in July, is now called “Sovetskaya”. – Reuters

French fortune

A drunk French teenager escaped death after falling asleep face down on a railway track and slumbering undisturbed as a high-speed train roared over him. The 19-year-old’s only “injury” was a grease stain on the back of his jacket. – Reuters

Cooking up a dream

Sweden, known best for meatballs and pickled herring, says it wants to become “Europe’s new culinary nation.” Until now the nation’s most famous kitchen hero was the Muppet Show’s Swedish chef, who tossed pots and pans while speaking incomprehensible “Swenglish” during the 1970s and 1980s. – Reuters.

Ratepayers offered porn

Authorities in the German city of Gelsenkirchen advertised pornography among the services on offer for residents on its website. “It was a mistake,” said a city spokesman. “There was never any intention of the city providing pornography as a service.” – Reuters.

Mangled English

Former US president George W Bush tops a poll of the worst examples of mangled English, reports Sapa-Agence France Presse. An online poll of 4000 people voted Bush top for his comment: “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

Second was California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger who, during an election campaign in 2003, said: “I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.” The rest of the top 10:

3: Former US defence secretary Donald Rumsfeld: “Reports that say that something hasn’t happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns: the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”

4. Motor racing commentator Murray Walker: “The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical.”

5: Soccer commentator John Motson: “For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are playing in yellow.”

6: British Prime Minister Gordon Brown: “Total spending will continue to rise and it will be a zero percent rise in 2013-14.”

7: Former US president Bill Clinton, on his relationship with Monica Lewinsky: “It depends upon what the meaning of the word ’is’ is. If ’is’ means ’is and never has been’ that’s one thing. If it means ’there is none’, that was a completely true statement.”

8. Former soccer star Eric Cantona: “When the seagulls follow the trawler, it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.”

9: George W Bush: “I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right.”

McCurry wins over McDonald’s

Fast food giant McDonald’s has lost an eight-year trademark battle against a Malaysian curry restaurant after the country’s highest court allowed the latter to use the prefix ‘Mc’. Malaysia’s Federal Court dismissed an application by McDonald’s Corporation to appeal against an earlier Appeals Court judgment which allowed McCurry to use the prefix.

Japanese hop to bunny cafe to relax

 Stressed-out Japanese seeking to unwind are hopping to a restaurant that serves cuddly pet rabbits alongside, and not on, the menu.  The Usagi-to-Cafe in the central Japanese city of Nagoya features everything bunny: rabbit decor, rabbit-shaped toys and dishes moulded to look like rabbits.  But it’s the live animals in the room next to the restaurant that keep the patrons coming.
  “They feel as fluffy as cotton and I feel so relaxed when I am cuddling them,” said Hiromi Ono, a 25-year-old businesswoman as she held a rabbit.
  Cafes that offer animals are quite common in Japan, where strict housing regulations often ban pets. But most of the cafes feature cats.
  The rabbits at Usagi-to-Cafe are set apart from diners, who pay a ¥900  cover charge and then ¥100 a minute to cuddle one of the 18 staff.
  “Bunnies here are taught to be amenable that you can pet and cuddle them as much as you want, and many customers like it,” said rabbit aficionado Naoki Kurata, who set up the cafe about a year ago.<p>

Happy hours for drinkers

Teetotallers suffer more from depression than drinkers, claims new research. The London Daily Telegraph reports that people who abstain from alcohol are also more likely to lack social skills and have higher levels of anxiety. Non-drinkers even have more mental health issues than those considered heavy drinkers, the newspaper says. Scientists found that the happiest people were drinkers who averaged two glasses of wine, a bottle of beer, or a shot of spirits a week. One reason why non-drinkers were more gloomy could be that they have few friends, the study suggests.